I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
