dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
