i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
