I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
