new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
