She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
BRING THE BAGELS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
