Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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