let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
