Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
