I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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