Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
