I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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