About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Couch. On fire.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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