Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
