literally had 100 drinks last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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