I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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