is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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