there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
