i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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