Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He did a backflip because drugs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
