Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
