oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
