Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
