shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
