Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
