I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
