I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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