My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
my poor anus
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
