Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
