On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm like, not good at living.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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