me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
