if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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