somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
