Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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