I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
