from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
