he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
