I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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