he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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