Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
