I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
