cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girls should come with a carfax report
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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