i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
