I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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