Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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