Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just threw up on my dentist
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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