Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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