So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
