If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
