We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was like eating out sand paper
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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