Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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