so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
