are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
