The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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