This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
