Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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