Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
