TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
