I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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