honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
