i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
