so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
