im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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