Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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