never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
