first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
