Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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