i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
