giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
