Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
