Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You are a genius and a whore.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
