is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
