wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
