Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
