it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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