The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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