please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
