What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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