I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
