Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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